Author's Notes: The Emperor's Dream Chapter Twelve

Hello and welcome to my author’s notes for chapter twelve of The Emperor’s Dream! These shorter notes are my reactions to the chapters that I have posted, as well as some fun facts about the writing process. So if you like peeking behind the curtain, or if it’s helpful to hear how another writer looks critically at their writing, read on! If that’s not your cup of tea, don’t sweat this one. See you next week with chapter thirteen

If you haven’t read chapter twelve, you can read it here.

If you just saw “The Emperor’s Dream” and you had no idea what I was talking about, no worries! It’s my ongoing epic fantasy novella that I’m sharing a chapter at a time here on my website. You can read chapter one here. These are first drafts only, so the final published version might change a little or a lot, but hopefully you either enjoy or learn something from seeing the process.

Now on with this week’s author’s notes!

• I like the fight Dandan here, but I am once again questioning my starting point. Is it best to drop the reader into the middle of the fight, or should I have shown Wanyi instigating the duel first?
• Also, I think I waited too long to mention that they use dulled spears for the duel. At one point, Wanyi’s spearhead “cracks” Dandan on the hand, which is not what I would expect a spearhead to do.
• Sometimes, I think my “telling” (as opposed to “showing”) wouldn’t be so bad if it were more specific. Take this sentence:
  • “For most of the time, they had discussed Meisun’s latest report, but the time had also been interrupted by multiple personal stories and jokes.”
• This sentence needs a rewrite, no doubt about it, and it’s 100% telling. But what if it continued something like this:
  • “…the time had also been interrupted by multiple personal stories and jokes. Like the time Meisun had sold a merchant a crateful of dirt instead of spices after he had tried to cheat her at a game of cards. Or when she had had to Sing Fahyo the strength to walk after he had drank too much tahashi in Tohkdao.”
• This is still 100% telling, but the telling is specific and it contributes something other than telling the reader what happened. This tells us more about Meisun (and Fahyo) as characters, while also telling us about the world itself. Tohkdao is a place. Tahashi is a drink. People play cards and cheat at it. Telling might actually be what’s needed here, as it’s a side detail, and this is a novella, so my word count is limited. But it’s probably better to make these kinds of things do some extra lifting.
• At first, it felt a little odd to start telling straight-out what the Montililun eye colors meant, but now that I think more about it, I like it. Wanyi is starting to figure Meisun out by spending time with her and paying attention. Just like a real person would.
• The Children of Silence section feels a little info dump-y, especially with Wanyi’s abrupt change of topic. There probably needs to be a linking sentence there.

I think that’s all for this week, friend! What questions do you have? I’d also love to hear your feedback. Let me know your thoughts!

And again, if you haven’t read chapter twelve, you can do so here. That’ll make this whole post make a lot more sense.

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Until next time!