Author's Notes: The Emperor's Dream Chapter Eighteen

Hello and welcome to my author’s notes for chapter eighteen of The Emperor’s Dream! This is the part where I re-read the chapter and write up my honest thoughts about it. It’s a first draft, after all!

If you haven’t read chapter eighteen yet, you can read it here.

If you are quite far behind, you can read chapter one here. Remember, these are first drafts only, so the final published version might change a little or a lot, but hopefully you either enjoy or learn something from seeing the process.

Now on with this week’s author’s notes!

• I have a few hesitations about the opening of this chapter. The previous scene ended with Wanyi and Yishan having some conflict over how much time Wanyi spends with Meisun. Then I immediately launch into this light-hearted interaction between them. It does get heavier as they keep talking, but it feels like a bit of whiplash with the mood.
• Also, there’s a part of me that says yuck when they greet each other. It just feels like it gets laid on too thick. However, there’s another part of me that feels like it’s just about spot on. People who like each other get weird, and I think this definitely counts.
• Meisun probably needs to do something before just launching into the long dialogue about her past. That currently feels like a hard break between paragraphs.
• One sort-of plot hole in Meisun’s story is that it was just her and her parents out fishing the day the pirates came. However, Montililun tend to go out in Bands, and she didn’t address this in her story. It might be good for Wanyi to ask about it and her give a reason why others weren’t there. Or just tell how they all were killed as well as her parents.
• I’ve just now noticed that Wanyi says “incredible” far too much. What’s a good alternative that doesn’t read like one of those stickers your teacher puts on your homework in elementary school?
• The little verse from The Two Seas can probably be reworked. It doesn’t quite have the vibe of ancient poetry that I’m going for.
• When Meisun says not everyone finds a new home after suffering great losses, she looks at the ceiling. I think I need to clarify that she’s looking towards Fahyo’s room.
• I feel really good about Jinhua’s arguments. He and Wanyi are close, which means Jinhua knows exactly what buttons to press. It feels convincing to me.

I think that’s all for this week, friend! What questions do you have? I’d also love to hear your feedback. Let me know your thoughts!

And again, if you haven’t read chapter eighteen yet, you can do so here. That’ll make this whole post make a lot more sense.

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Until next time!